Guilt, Shame, or both

Cross dressing has been a part of my life for many years, I love the feeling of the silky fabrics, the hug of the spandex, and the girly feeling of not having to be in control. The dressing controls me, and the irresistible urge to masturbate and orgasm grow until I finally give in and begin slowly caressing my sissy clitty. That name sissy clitty, doesn't sound masculine at all, actually down right sissy and submissive. How can anyone with a sissy clitty even have a masculine thought. It causes my sexual tension to build even further. As the sensation continues to grow my ministrations increase and the sissy clitty swells to it's fully excited state, and then it happens, the pulsing, surging, wave of energy overtakes my sissy clitty. And it's over. I am now lying there with a limp sissy clitty, exhausted, and wearing very feminine, clothing. The same clothing that just a few minutes ago gave me so much pleasure now gives me so much shame and embarrassment. Inexplicably begin to remove the clothes to remove my embarrassment and even sometimes shame. If only I could leave them on and be forced to meet my sissy desires and embrace them for a longer time. I frequently long to have someone controlling me at this point in time. Forcing me to remain dressed, forcing me to admit my true state as a sissy, forcing me to face my embarrassment and embrace my predicament. Punishing me by making me own up to being a cross dressing sissy and own up to the my true desire to remain dressed and just punishing me to prove I am not in control and proving my need for a dominant woman. If only.